Dissed by Duvall?

I don't know if you watch AMC much, but they've been all about westerns this weekend, leading up to their two-night mini-series, Broken Trail. Looks chock full of western cred, with Robert Duvall starring and Walter Hill directing.

And while watching Open Range last night (a movie I managed to avoid, despite showing in Iowa City for virtually my entire first semester there), I was reminded that every western apparently has to include Duvall, Tom Selleck, or Sam Elliott as actors, or Hill as director. Well, Kevin Costner managed to get Duvall, which is probably why Open Range was pretty good.

(I was expecting some kind of loving tribute to riding, grazing, cow-poking, and brewing coffee in iron pots over fires, but it was actually kind of dark and violent. Maybe too formulaic, though. And the attempt at romance between Costner and Annette Bening is really forced.)

The whole thing increased my admiration for Deadwood. How did this thing ever get on the air, without Robert Duvall or Sam Elliott in the cast? (Walter Hill did direct the pilot episode, however, so I suppose some conventions can't be escaped.) And I thought I might post a blog about that today. You know, prime the pump for tonight's episode.

Then I read this with my morning coffee. Duvall is apparently not a fan of the show.

"None of the cowboys and ranchers I know think much of it at all," says Duvall, who summered in Montana as a child. Ranch hands there, he says, used a fraction of Deadwood's profanity. "I get the feeling that it's a provincial New Yorker's concept of what the West was like."

Ooooh, that could be enough to make David Milch go all Seth Bullock on Duvall. Or would it be more of an Al Swearengen ("You have no idea how much you're fucking boring me right now!") reaction?

Episode 26: "I Am Not the Man You Take Me For"

I do apologize, dear hooplehead, for my delay in posting a prompt response to last Sunday's episode. It's not like my left hand was smashed by a mining hammer or anything like that. I was just knocked off my routine. Yet another reminder that I need to be in total seclusion (communication silence!) come 9 p.m. on a Sunday night. Like Dan, I'm older and much less friendly to fuckin' change!

So what did you make of the first scene, with a drunken cocksucker slurring his way through his own declaration, only to fall off the speech platform and break his neck? I can be guilty of looking for deeper meaning and metaphors in most any scene (and really, there's no such thing as a throwaway moment in this series), but I was thinking this was symbolic of how powerless the people of Deadwood really are. Other residents of the camp might have their own feelings on how things should be run, but ultimately Swearengen and Hearst have the final say. Anything else is just noise that prevents Al from getting his sleep.

Or maybe it was just an excuse to show Al's minions in various states of undress. Was it worse to see Shirtless Dan or Topless Jane later in the episode? (I'll lean toward Dan - mostly because Jane has boobies, and you know how I feel about boobies.) And how about Johnny's showing off his butt crack?

That led to what's probably my favorite line of the week: "Would you close your flap that I don't forego my boiled eggs?" This is why we need nudity on premium cable.

Otherwise, I think Farnum got most of this episode's dialogue gems (no pun intended). He's never better than when taking shots at his favorite punching bag, Richardson:

"Could you have been born, Richardson, and not egg-hatched, as I assumed?"

"I'd like to use your ointment to suffocate you."

"Do you only feign stupidity while only plotting ways to madden me?"

And then there was his hilariously unsubtle, anti-Semitic campaign speech. His miming of the stereotypical Jew nose. (The fact that Sol doesn't quite sport such a feature made it that much more ridiculous.) His use of the word "exodus." And, of course, the brilliant tagline that should be the bumper sticker that some brilliant entrepeneur is printing up now: "Farnum! Christ knows he's earned it!" Ah, what an unaware moron...

How about Alma throwing up The Seth Bullock Cock Block Will on poor Mr. Ellsworth? Oooh, that had to sting a man right where he feels like a man. As much as I love Bullock, it's difficult not to take Ellsworth's cuckolded side in this one. ("My wife would like to see you.") I especially enjoyed the scene where Seth comes downstairs after talking to Alma and gets glares of death from Ellsworth and Trixie. But after exiting the oh-so-tense Ellsworth home, his best buddy, Sol, is outside to give him the thumbs-up. How touching.

But all that stuff was the undercard to the heavyweight title match: Hearst vs. Swearengen. Let me ask you this, my friend, what was colder shit: Hearst sending over a diagram of where the killers would be (Another great line: "Ask the fella who made these x's if he hires out for portraits") or how Al and crew quickly dispatched them? Whiskey in the face, stab to the gut, and a slit of the throat. Coooolld-blooooded. (And did you enjoy Adams whining that he was sent out on an errand while Al and Dan got to do the killing?)

No way Hearst's balls are as big as Al's, though. Everyone at the Gem knew Hearst was going to try something on Al (and it was almost touching how worried Dan was about that). Yet Swearengen insisted on going over there alone, because of the message it sent. I guess we'll see if Al's hubris cost him the use of his left hand. But you had to admire his insistence on standing tall and not showing his pain while Hearst stood up on his terrace as Master of the Domain (for now). Cool as the other side of the pillow. You have no idea who you're fucking with, Major Dad...

Other quickie notes that Merrick might put in the Deadwood Pioneer:

▪▪ Is it bad that I'm not giving a shit about Joanie and Cy right now? I bet Cy's going to have something to say in this Hearst-Swearengen feud before the season is over. But for now, I could almost do without his scenes. I did like, however, his Jim Bakker-like revival ("Where is this strength coming from that I feel flowing into me?").

▪▪ Okay, I am curious about Joanie. We've known Charley Udder's been sweet on "Ms. Stubbs" for at least a couple of seasons. I'm not sure if their hand-holding will lead to anything, or was just an indication that Joanie's not as alone as she might feel. But I'm already tired of seeing her play House Mom to that drugged-out whore, Lila. Even if that's "her gift," as Cy said.

▪▪ Trixie's had seven abortions! (And is "as healthy as a horse"!) How many of those fetuses do you think belonged to one Mr. Albert Swearengen?

▪▪ I also liked Trixie playing vagina stand-in for Doc.

▪▪ Martha had some good small moments, too. The sexual tension with Seth over the strength of her tea. ("I do not make weak tea.") I also loved the amused look on her face as Jane was speaking to the schoolkids. (And how about when Jane called her "brave"? Another strangely touching moment, to me.)

I look forward to seeing what your post might portend. Don't get scalped!

The man called Hearst

Here's a feature on Gerald McRaney, who plays Hearst. A small part of me will always think of him as part of "Simon and Simon," though I never watched that show. (And for some reason, the theme to "Magnum, P.I." is in my head as I type this.)

But to me, he's pulling off quite a feat as Hearst, appearing on the surface as a decent - though unquestionably powerful - fella who has the best interests of the camp (elections, laws, schools, etc.) in mind. Yet we know he doesn't care about anything else except acquiring land and getting gold. But most of all, he has to be someone who can believably stand up to Our Man Al. And so far, he's doing it.

Episode 25: "Tell Your God to Ready for Blood"

"Words... doin' the wrong jobs. Pile it on too heavy or... at odds over meaning."

-- Seth Bullock

Okay, let's start prospectin' for some blog posts. Or as "Albert" Swearengen might say to break the ice, "Trick-suck, Sheriff?"

I've often kind of half-rolled my eyes at any critics who say Deadwood's dialogue is Shakespearean. But after watching the Season 3 premiere again (On Demand!), I think I finally see where they're coming from. The banter back and forth, the grand gestures and declarations, the sheer power of so many lines - it'd probably work really well on stage. Yet it's better on TV, so I can rewind at least 25 times an episode to hear the dialogue over and over. (This is probably why I watch most episodes alone.)

I know we said we'd make note of our favorite lines from each episode, but there were just so damn many in this first one that I don't know where I should cut myself off. Cop-out? Perhaps. Or maybe I'm still just too damn excited to have Deadwood back on the air. Anyway, I'll give it a try. Just like Seth and Martha Bullock.

I liked what Seth said to Martha while he's going over his speech because it seemed to capture - as we see later in the episode - why Bullock's taking sort of a back seat in the political machinations occurring in camp. He's a man of action, letting his fists (and hot-ass temper) do the talking. When it comes to deliberation and strategy against Hearst, he has to defer to (and make a wary alliance with) Al. Bullock's way out of his element.

One more note about that exchange: When Martha says to Seth, "Shall I gather my school supplies?" was that the sexiest thing she's ever said to him on the show? To me, it sounded strangely seductive. Maybe because she had leverage over him in that situation.

But the best scene, to me, was Trixie (that "loopy cunt") going off on Sol after she spoke to Al about Adams wanting to sell his house:

"We'll move in your 12 possessions... And as you lay in your beddy-bye, I'll pop from the wall like Grandma Groundhog in a storybook -- and attend to your johnson!"

And the perplexed look on Sol's face is so classic. He has no idea what the hell is going on, and all the interest in him behind the scenes. But maybe we, as viewers, get an idea of just what he digs so much about Trixie. The girl's got fire! Moxie, I say!

Coming in at a close second was Jane's "Custer was a cunt. The end." How fucking great was Jane throughout the entire episode? In some ways, she has nothing to do with what's going on in the big story picture. But who cares when she's so damn entertaining? Busting the fat man's (can't remember his name) balls, calling him "man-toed." Giving Charley the finger from across the street, which makes me laugh every time I think of it. Sitting in her puddle of piss, while waiting for Joanie. And just how many fucking bottles does Jane have stashed around the camp? Maybe one of the schoolkids will find one during the season.

And speaking of those schoolkids, when the hell did Deadwood get so many kids? I thought it was just the devil child, Sofia, and Bullock's dead son/nephew.

Oh, and I have to point out that no one - NO ONE - scrubs out a blood stain like Al Swearengen! I could watch him do that for a whole hour. "That's it - that's how you clean a fucking blood stain!" It's like he needs a cigarette afterwards.

When we first talked about the episode, I think I was overwhelmed because I had so many questions. There was so much thrown at us. But after watching it again, and collecting my thoughts, I realized that's exactly what a season premiere should do: set up everything to come. It could be fascinating to go back and watch this after the entire season's played out.

So here are some of the questions I hope are answered 12 weeks from now:

▪▪ Why does Joanie feel so obligated to Sy? I feel like those two could have an entire episode to themselves.

▪▪ Who the hell is this Shaunessey ("Disarray!") guy? And how soon before Joanie hauls off and pops him?

▪▪ How many times will Ellsworth move that day bed before he shoots himself?

▪▪ And will we ever find out who that lady is, in the opening credits, getting in the bathtub? I've been ogling the left-side view of her breast for three years now.

I could really go on and on, especially about Hearst pushing Bullock's buttons with the Alma thing, but I don't want to bogart your (our) blog, man. Let's see what you have to say.

Fetchin' toward a bloody outcome, boss

I'm not sure if linking to other articles is the best way to break the seal on this here new blog, but just in case you haven't read these, this seemed like the place to post them. Especially since we're still working on our thoughts for the first episode (and subsequent posts). Consider this priming the pump.

Oh, how I've missed Heather Havrilesky sprinkling some Swearengen-isms through her reviews at Salon. Any article that has "tender cocksuckers" in its first sentence is probably one I'm going to read. She rips HBO a new asshole for its short-sighted decision to pull the curtain on Deadwood after this season, opting instead for a couple of two-hour movie table scraps. Like a warm, strong shot of whiskey down the throat:

I won't stand for those who trumpet my intentions or herd me like a steer or question my cleanin' up a little yella for my goddamn efforts. I've acted on your commission all along, keeping my eyes on whatever frivolous fucking tripe I figured you might relish whilst you pursued your preferred activities, and I'm mighty grateful for your fucking attentions. But I beg you to remember, them that butt into other people's business and make the business of others their own are meddling no-good cocksuckers. I can see to my job the way I'm goddamned able, and that's all I can goddamned do. The gist is, fuck yourself.

Ah, yes. I don't know if Heather kisses her mother with that mouth, but she can kiss me any time she chooses. Unless she asks me to try and spell her last name first. She also reviews the first episode after venting her spleen.

Back to HBO's decision to cancel the show, yesterday's New York Times had an interesting blow-by-blow recount of events leading up to this point, and the influence that fans played in the series getting a proper send-off - albeit less than what it truly deserves.

Is it possible that David Milch's own creativity came back to bite him in the ass? What if he'd never gone to the HBO suits with the idea for his new show (about surfers living on the California-Mexico border)? Could he have just sat on the idea or did they want to hear what else he had cooking? Would HBO have just gone ahead with plans for future seasons of Deadwood, if they thought that was what Milch had in mind? Or was the show on shaky ground because of the cost of producing each episode?

I guess we'll never know. But it's an intriguing, infuriating question to consider... as I imagine Milch going off on the HBO suits like Bullock on Farnum last night.